Life Isn’t Just Passing Me By; It’s Running Me Over

Photo credit: dophineh at deviantART

Sometimes I feel as though my life is passing me by. I’m outside of my body, watching it flash by, as though merely a dream. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the girl woman I see looking back at me. The twinkle I remember in her eyes is gone.. replaced instead with a resigned sadness as though she’s given in to the tribulations of life. What’s happened to her me?

Photo credit: chryssalis @ deviantART

I remember being the girl who was down for anything. The phone would ring and before the conversation ended, I was grabbing my keys and flying out the door. Now? Now, unless I’m making money or shopping, I hear myself saying no, more and more often. Go to a movie? Hell no! I would rather watch from the comfort of my sofa/easy chair. Out to eat? Nah.. it’s delivery or take out. Family dinner? I will pass. Dancing? Nope.. I will just shake it in front of music on demand on my DVR.

I find myself pondering if I have depression, or if I have just lost my sense of self. Growing up I had tons of dreams. Yes, some of them were unrealistic, but they were still my dreams. Unfortunately most of them ended up unrealized dreams, as they never bore fruit.

They say it’s never too late to change.. to grow.. but I find myself at a crossroads, wondering if there really is more out there for me, or if I am just destined to be no more than I am at this very moment.


16 thoughts on “Life Isn’t Just Passing Me By; It’s Running Me Over

  1. I know this feeling too. Sometimes though, I think that staying home and relaxing is a totally valid choice and shouldn’t be seen as narrowing your life down. I make my weekends my hermit-zone because my work life is so people-oriented, so it’s a choice rather than a limitation. I think we get sold this idea of what the perfect life is and when we act differently we think something is wrong. I say, make your own choices, own them and enjoy them…only worry or change if you aren’t actually enjoying them 🙂

  2. That you are questioning whether there is more out there is a very good thing. It’s never too late to change and do or be something different if that’s what you want. We all go through stages or phases where it seems like nothing much is happening. That’s okay, too.

  3. Great writing, tough thoughts. There is so much when we afford ourselves the time to just be without expectations (both self imposed and directed by others), that is when life seems to appear. Be kind to yourself, patience and persistence for what you truly want life to be.

  4. You know I have spent most of my life thinking this but it was this year that I realized I could change. So no, this isn’t all there is. There is so much more, the thing that I realized is that if you want to change things in your life you have to work at it and sometimes it is quite hard. I hope that helps but I think about this A LOT.

  5. On the flip side Phoebe… if you suspect it could be depression, I would highly recommend you at least get evaluated just in case it is a mood disorder, that way you can be treated accordingly. Mild as it may seem, it could make all the difference in the world if treated correctly. Take care of you. You DO matter! 😉

  6. I’m with Roxi. Preventative care is good. As someone who suffers from depression, I can relate to how you feel. However, it could also just be that you’re feeling in a rut, blue, you don’t know which direction to take next-maybe it’s unrelated to depression. I wish you well my friend. Take care of yourself and find your way. We are here for you.

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