Sometimes I feel as though my life is passing me by. I’m outside of my body, watching it flash by, as though merely a dream. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the
girl woman I see looking back at me. The twinkle I remember in her eyes is gone.. replaced instead with a resigned sadness as though she’s given in to the tribulations of life. What’s happened to her me?
I remember being the girl who was down for anything. The phone would ring and before the conversation ended, I was grabbing my keys and flying out the door. Now? Now, unless I’m making money or shopping, I hear myself saying no, more and more often. Go to a movie? Hell no! I would rather watch from the comfort of my sofa/easy chair. Out to eat? Nah.. it’s delivery or take out. Family dinner? I will pass. Dancing? Nope.. I will just shake it in front of music on demand on my DVR.
I find myself pondering if I have depression, or if I have just lost my sense of self. Growing up I had tons of dreams. Yes, some of them were unrealistic, but they were still my dreams. Unfortunately most of them ended up unrealized dreams, as they never bore fruit.
They say it’s never too late to change.. to grow.. but I find myself at a crossroads, wondering if there really is more out there for me, or if I am just destined to be no more than I am at this very moment.