I am having a serious case of the Monday blahs today. Despite the fact that it is mostly sunny outside, that is definitely not my disposition today. Internally I am more of a pouring rain, with no umbrella and some asshole just splashed you with his car kind of mentality. I woke up this way, unfortunately. Though I don’t believe it to be entirely my fault. My next to eldest son started an argument with me last night right before bed. An argument that we have had plenty of times before and I do not sense anything changing anytime soon.
It’s about his future. A future that I think he should take more seriously but that he disagrees, and would rather fill his head with fluff and girls. Not that girls aren’t great. I happen to think we are pretty damn awesome. Unfortunately though, not the ones he chooses. My son fancies himself a “gamer.” His definition of that word and mine are totally different. In his mind, which I often refer to as “Fantasy Island,” he believes that he could make a living off it, if only he had thousands of dollars of the right equipment. Equipment I might add, that in the gaming world changes almost monthly and must be constantly upgraded to keep up with the growing demand of higher and higher tech. Money he wouldn’t even have to spend unless he had an actual career. My definition of a gamer, or what a gamer should be is someone who plays games in their spare time as a hobby. Key word being spare there. To my son though, gaming is not a spare anything…it is thee thing.
He’s on his computer every morning before he even fully wakes up. He stays on it all day long, and he jumps on it the minute he gets home from his part time job. In his own words.. his very life is that computer. His porn is on it, his friends “live” on it, and apparently so do the girls he chooses to align himself with. Girls that he will only know for a few short days before they are already declaring their love for one another and talking about having babies together. By know, I should clarify that they have spoken a total of maybe 5 or 6 times on skype or some other video type channel, and are now madly in love. Picture me rolling my eyes right here because I can assure you that I am.
Just a year ago he was mad about the idea of joining the Air Force and gaining a career for himself as a paramedic. Now that is something to strive for. Something to be proud of. What happened to that dream you ask? Girls! Fucking girls. He met one in Cali and they fell madly in “like” and decided to name their children already. The thing was, she already had several other online paramours and his little heart got broken. Despite the fact that I warned him what would happen before it did, I might add. Within a week of their “break-up”, he had found himself another one. Same thing happened. I kid you not, it was almost an identical situation. From here he moved on three more times, and this week, if you can believe it, he is back to lusting after the original first girl again despite nothing with her having changed at all. They are meant to be, blah blah blah. Believe me, I have heard it all. Military thoughts are gone, as well as any thoughts towards college. Now all he talks about is saving up money for a bus ticket and traveling to be with her in Cali with no job, no place to live and only his hopes and dreams of their relationship to sustain him for nourishment. At this point you are probably shaking your head and thinking “teenagers”, right? I would be too. Except my son is 24. Yeah.. go ahead… shake your head now. Or pick your jaw up off the floor. I know I do daily. This same 24-year-old lives at home, doesn’t know how to drive yet, doesn’t do his own laundry or cooking, and barely does chores like taking out the trash or doing a few dishes. Yet thinks he is going to run off and meet this girl who also lives with her parents and in her 20’s and they are going to just be madly in love and start making babies. Where the hell did I go wrong in my parenting?!
As a mother, this is a nightmare. As a bystander this is moronic. Talking gets me nowhere except screamed at and bullied. When I was younger and having kids, people were always giving me their opinions about how girls are much harder than boys. Well, for the record, I would like to call bullshit on that myth!
I guess it’s out of my hands now though since he refuses to listen, and is legally an adult. In six months he will be out the door and probably be hitching a ride across state lines to go knock on this girls parent’s house and profess his undying obsession for their daughter. Anyone have bail money? Ha!
Yeah…I went there..