Surviving the College Blender

My fall semester classes start today, and I am feeling a little terrified, to be honest. You’d think I would have gotten used to it after doing 2 earlier semesters and summer classes as well. I think I was riding on a euphoric high in the beginning. “Yay, I’m in college!” Now, I’m hoping I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking I can run this race through to the finish. FullSizeRender_1

The stack of books required keeps growing from semester to semester, as do the assignments and time needed to complete them. Podcasts? Skype? Mock live interviews? None of these were asked for in earlier classes, and I think I fooled myself into thinking this was going to be far easier than it is. This semester I’ve read about browsers being locked down for tests and having to be proxied for final exams. I never did well in school when I was younger, having people breathing down my neck. I hardly think that has changed over the years and will most likely result in a lower test score for me.

My health prevents me from spending too much time with my feet on the floor due to water retention and the type 2 diabetes. Studying from my recliner proves too difficult sometimes what with all the space needed for books and laptop, and my feet sticking in the air. As I result I must limit the time I spend in front of the screen, and attending actual “in-class” sessions are not a possibility at this time.

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Maybe I am just tired at the moment, and psyching myself out, but I swear I can smell failure already. I’m usually the hardest on myself, and this college stuff at my age is no different. Am I only kidding myself that I can do this? Or am I just wavering in the face of my own anxiety and fear of failure? Right now, I am just hoping I can make it through this upcoming weeks worth of homework without having a full blown panic attack.

Last week when I blogged about how I was the first in my family to go to college, I was full of pride and excitement. I still feel the same pride, but fear has replaced all the rest. Have any one of you experienced a lack of faith in yourself mid way through a task you’ve set for yourself? How did you deal with it?

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3 thoughts on “Surviving the College Blender

  1. You can do this! I went back to school in my 30s-40s, and my husband — at 39 — has gone back this year. He was never a good student in high school either, but suddenly he’s totally Type A about it, working on it all till it’s perfect. He also works 40-60 hours per week in a job that’s an hour away, and only half of his classes are online. I really have no idea how he does it, but he does. I swear, you can too! You couldn’t write like you do if you weren’t smart!

    • I keep telling myself that I can. It’s a repetitive chant much like the Little Engine That Could, but it seems to help. lol Also, after having survived this first week, I think I’ve settled back into a pattern and so far things are staying on point. My only real issue so far has been the Microsoft Excel class. One homework assignment worth a measly 10 points and yet the assignment spans from page 20 to 60 in the textbook. I spent over 3/4 hours just doing one single spreadsheet the other night. It’s not even hard homework but the amount they expect you to do for a solitary assignment with very little value is beyond nutso. Thank you for reading my post and having faith in me. Congrats to both you and your husband for going back to college later in life! We have to show these youngins’ how it’s done! 😉

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