Opinions Are Like…. Well You Know

 

Why do people have such strong opinions on what others should do, but rarely follow their own advice?

That is the question on my mind this week.

I was talking to someone I have considered my BFF for a very long time, a couple of weeks ago. She and I have known each other since grade school.  We don’t talk as often as we used to, and that is no ones’ fault. Just life, in general, taking its’ toll. We share an occasional text, or phone call, sometimes a good old fashioned snail mail letter, but that about covers it. The thing is though, I always thought I could count on her to support any decisions I made, or at least to talk them over politely with me and tell me as sweetly as possible that just maybe I was making a mistake. Never once, did I think one of these days she would have such a strong opinion about something I planned to do, that she didn’t agree with, or go overboard in her adamant belief that I was in the wrong.

In this particular situation, it was about single parenthood. My daughter, who is soon to turn 23, has decided that someday soon she would like to have a baby. By herself. No partner involved. Male or otherwise. Just single parenthood. I see nothing wrong with it. Sure, having two parents is supposed to be better for children and all, but how many times does it end up in fighting and divorce? Most times the kids witness this destructive behavior and it scars them for life. With single parenthood, there will be no fighting. No nasty divorce. Just unconditional love from one parent who is perfectly capable of playing both roles. A little something I know something about. I’ve been doing it for years.

My friend doesn’t agree. She not only disagrees, she got downright angry with me, told me off, and stopped talking to me for almost a week. She threw a condescending tone at me, said I was irresponsible for not trying to convince my daughter otherwise, and proceeded to rake me over the coals. Certainly not what I expected from someone whose own kids are certainly not the pillar of good behavior and whose husband is involved in illegal activities to get them the money they throw around on those same spoiled kids. Things I never once pointed out to her or made her feel bad over. Things I basically backed her up on, despite my own misgivings that I kept to myself. She wasn’t being a friend… she was being a fraud.

I spent over an hour fuming and pacing after that brief conversation with her. How dare she respond that way. Once I calmed down though, I couldn’t help but wonder why? Why do people think they have the right to judge? Are any of us saints? Pillars of society that have never done wrong? I think not. Yet given the opportunity, we always jump to cast the first stone. Is it human nature? Our need to make others as unhappy as we ourselves are?

What do you think? Why are people so quick to judge?

Fraud

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16 thoughts on “Opinions Are Like…. Well You Know

  1. I like this little article. To answer your question: I do think it is a human flaw but hopefully not from our very nature? People do automatically judge. After all, we judge people who judge us! But let’s keep hope we can better ourselves!
    Thank you for sharing.

    • I can see that, but surely there are better ways to go about it? Telling someone you’ve known for such a long time, that they are a lousy parent for supporting their daughter’s decision, because it doesn’t agree with theirs, is a bit over the top I’d say. Of course there are cons to what my daughter is considering and I did not gloss them over. Even for her. But I would never have verbally backhanded a bff for going against the norm of society.

      • You’re right. Your friend was out of line. No one should treat anyone like that. But sometimes people don’t know how to get their point across in a good, objective way. Of course, it’s going to sting you….it would sting me too. Keep writing about it, your anger and whatever other emotions come up. And know that you’re a good parent

        • I do my best. I fall short of the goal now and again and I reap what I sow from doing so. In this decision though, I feel as though I’m making the only truly right one that I can. Like I said to another reader, everyone who wants a baby and can take care of one, should have a shot at motherhood, even if they cannot do it through society’s idea of a normal way.

  2. I find that generally, the people doing the judging are feeling convicted about something they are or are not doing or have a serious esteem issue of their own and by pointing out how you are wrong they can make themselves believe that somehow they are right. Maybe she feels bad about her own decisions. Maybe she can’t imagine how she could take care of her kids all by herself and therefor thinks no woman should voluntarily choose that life. No matter how you justify the behavior, judging is wrong and raking you over the coals for your opinion is wrong. You are simply trying to support your daughter.

    • I wondered that myself. Her kids have been difficult for her as of late and one left her with a grandchild to “re-parent” so I can feel for her there. She knows me though, or so I thought. I’ve never been one to not think of things from all angles. I know my daughter is going to need my help, and I’m willing to give it while I’m still able. Everyone should be able to experience the joy of motherhood if that is something they desire and can’t do it the “normal” way. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your thoughts. 🙂

  3. WOW! And the things is…as long as the child is loved and she has the means to take care of a kid, that’s all that matters. When my kiddo was born, it took the love of MANY family members to help in raising him. Grandparents and Aunties…My husband and I didn’t know how to do everything. We needed help! And thank goodness we had so much support. For instance, my husband and I are not strong swimmers, but we have a family member who swims like a fish. Guess who taught our kiddo to swim? Not his parents! We didn’t want him to be afraid of the water and he’s not. He’s a strong swimmer. That’s what family is for. (And not all family members are related by blood, and that’s okay too!) Take Care!!!

    • That is exactly how I feel! There is no manual on parenting. We all just do the best we can and hopefully have a little help doing it, but that help doesn’t have to come from a sexual relationship. It comes from everyone around us who loves us! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

  4. I think judging is part of human nature, but that doesn’t mean we have the right to share those judgements with others, especially when they are hurtful. I do believe that people like your friend are unhappy, and seek to make others unhappy as well. I’m sorry you went through that, and hope that you don’t have to be around her anymore.

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