Hey there, Phoebe here. Long time no see.
I do apologize for my extended absence away from my blog, but I am working through some things in my personal life. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there, going through the same thing, if not something similar, so I won’t bore you with the details. Needless to say that it’s just something I can only do on my own. Thank you though for the continued support, emails and requests for more poetry. Your thoughtfulness and empathy is greatly appreciated.
I’m working on getting some more poetry on paper, but in the meantime here are a couple of reviews I’ve done recently. Feel free to venture over and have a difference of opinion. 😉
Finding Carter MTV series review
I-Robot Movie review
I think the worst lies of all, are the ones we tell ourselves. “I was only joking”.. “I didn’t mean to say that”.. “it’s not really hurting anyone”.. “I can write 50,000 words in one month, when I’ve never done it before.”
Yup.. you heard it right. NaNo is over at the end of today and I didn’t even come close.
I’ve given myself the pep talk about how it was only my first time. That, what was important, was that I made time to write at all. I’ve had the pats on the back and been told that I did great for trying and not to let it get to me.
The truth is though, I feel like a failure. I think I could have done better. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not. *sigh*
You know what they say right?
There is always next year…
There once was a lady named Phoebe
whose brain had gone all swiss-cheesy
her thoughts had taken a stroll
as though shot full of holes
no one ever said writing was easy
So it’s officially day three (5:30 am PST) of my first ever NaNoWriMo, and I’m not doing so hot.
Days before it all started, I had these great ideas floating around in my head, and visions of how much fun it was going to be. A mere two days later, and all I’m doing now is stumbling over my own thoughts. All those great ideas I had.. yup, you guessed it.. right out the window. They took all my blogging sense with them too. It’s as though someone came through my brain with some high quality cleaners and just wiped my slate clean. My emails are piling up, unanswered. I haven’t blogged. I haven’t tweeted. I’ve gone completely dormant.
After entirely too much stress, and feeling like a pressure cooker about to implode, I have decided that I need to just take a step back and breathe. If I don’t make the 50,000 words for NaNo.. so what. The point is that I tried. Do I want to be a published author someday? Yes, of course I do. Do I think I have it in me? Somewhere.. buried deep.. under all the other bullshit that springs itself on me daily, yes I do. It’s just taking me a little longer to find it, than I could have imagined.
All I want to find now, is my super soft pillow, a warm comforter, and my fat little kitty, who doesn’t mind if I
snore breathe into his ears when I’m sleeping. 😆
drops of ink spilling like blood
Photo credit: dophineh at deviantART
Sometimes I feel as though my life is passing me by. I’m outside of my body, watching it flash by, as though merely a dream. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the
girl woman I see looking back at me. The twinkle I remember in her eyes is gone.. replaced instead with a resigned sadness as though she’s given in to the tribulations of life. What’s happened to her me?
Photo credit: chryssalis @ deviantART
I remember being the girl who was down for anything. The phone would ring and before the conversation ended, I was grabbing my keys and flying out the door. Now? Now, unless I’m making money or shopping, I hear myself saying no, more and more often. Go to a movie? Hell no! I would rather watch from the comfort of my sofa/easy chair. Out to eat? Nah.. it’s delivery or take out. Family dinner? I will pass. Dancing? Nope.. I will just shake it in front of music on demand on my DVR.
I find myself pondering if I have depression, or if I have just lost my sense of self. Growing up I had tons of dreams. Yes, some of them were unrealistic, but they were still my dreams. Unfortunately most of them ended up unrealized dreams, as they never bore fruit.
They say it’s never too late to change.. to grow.. but I find myself at a crossroads, wondering if there really is more out there for me, or if I am just destined to be no more than I am at this very moment.